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Monday, 12/07/2009 - 5:05 a.m.

So the muse showed back up at the crack of dawn just like she did last Monday and demanded that this all come out. DC and I had a discussion tonight about rejection and I said (as I always do) that "No one ever died from rejection alone" and DC scoffed. His reply was that after asking out a hundred girls and they all turn you down, you stop asking and that I had no idea what that felt like. So I got *pissed* by his attitude and said in one gigantic stream of consciousness:

Every since I was a little girl in elementary school, I was the ugly one. Always. I was the fat and ugly one. Always. The person you see now with the hair and the nails and the makeup and the good clothes is not the person I used to be. The cheerleaders liked to hang out with me in high school because they looked better by comparison. A boy in 6th grade was dared to ask me to be his girlfriend because I was the ugliest girl his friend could find. I've heard "You're too fat to go out with", "You're too fat to be seen with", "You're too ugly for me to date", so don't fuckin' tell me about rejection, pal, because I've been right there with you. And I'll be damned if I let possibilities go by just because the other person might say no. I'd rather ask and know for certain one way or the other than always wonder 'what if'. Fuck that.

He shut the hell up.

And now I think I can sleep.

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