Thursday, 10/08/2009 - 11:59 p.m.
I've been wearing my collar around the house for the past few hours to try to get my brain in the right mindset for the Boy coming into town tomorrow. He is quite upset about me bottoming to the Bird Kid and slightly lesser perturbed about my playing with Mal. Goddamn it. I really didn't think at the time (or right now, for that matter) that I was doing anything wrong. I've been gritting my teeth ever since we got off the phone this afternoon, which is not helping the teeth issues. Feh.
He's upset, though, so we'll have to address it. Hence the collar because apparently rough violent sex will help fix the problem. Yay. Sort of. We haven't had penis-in-vagina sex since the end of January and a misperceived threat to your place as my Daddy shouldn't be the catalyst to hop on me after all this time. Go assert your dominance somewhere else. My freaky freak life didn't stop when you moved back home. If you took care of what was yours in the first fuckin' place I wouldn't be looking at someone else. That's the brain/ego side of it.
The crotch side of it says bring it on. He said some very hot things on the phone about my place in his universe and his place in mine. I'd like to see him back them all up. We used to burn up some sheets and I MISS it. I miss the biting and clawing and face slapping and all the ugly shit we'd say to each other. I miss having my scalp hurt where he'd tried to pull my hair out. I miss having my face jammed down in the pillow and him snarling in my ear "Shut the fuck up, bitch, and take it all!". I miss his hand over my mouth during a violent orgasm and not being able to breathe. Good gawd. Bring it on and I'll just hold on for the ride.
He asked why I hadn't told him about any of this and why he had to read about it in my blog to know what was going on.
First I said that if I knew that the limp-wristed sissy Victorian fagboy (meaning the Bird Kid) could be such a vicious sadist, then I sure as hell would have run it by him before I ever played with the Bird Kid. I truly had no idea that little dude had any of that in him. I'm just as surprised as everyone else that I bottomed to him. But it worked and it was pretty good and I'll probably do it again.
Second I said that I truly believed in my heart of hearts that Mal and I would tank in a big way; that about halfway trying to top him I'd just say "Fuck this, fuck you, I quit". I really did not expect us to play so well together, based on what I was (and wasn't) reading from him. That was also a surprise to me. But it worked and it was damned good and I'll definitely be doing it again.
And finally I said that talking to the Boy, in the 3 weeks since he's moved and the week before he moved, was like pulling teeth. It either pissed me off or made me sad because he's so off-kilter. And he sure as fuck wasn't ringing my goddamn phone off the hook, either.
So, we'll see what tomorrow brings. Maybe some of the sex we used to have will put things to rights. Maybe just being around each other will help fix things, too. We haven't been on a dress-up, romantic-type date since our birthdays in July. Our anniversary is in 2 weeks and I suggested that we celebrate early. I'll gladly scrap pizza and Big Bang Theory for Boy time.
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