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Thursday, 09/23/2010 - 8:36 p.m.

Do not wash your good black silky panties with your white bath towels, even if they're all pee-soaked from the same weak bladder control whilst throwing up. All the lint from the towels will never come off the panties and you will never ever be high enough from the OTC meds to lint-roll all those bitches.

If you bend over the litter box too far while scooping it and compress your already-touchy belly too much, throwing up into the big plastic used litter container is completely acceptable. Twice.

Blowing against your pinched nostrils to clear your ears will only make the gunk squeak. And then hurt.

Turning the volume wayyyyyyyy up ("It goes to 11!") on your headphones because you can't hear through the gunk will only make the gunk vibrate. And then hurt.

When the label says "Take with food if stomach upset occurs", it really means "Eat like a total pig first so you'll have a buffer. Taking this pill on an empty stomach will indeed make you barf like you're hungover. And then you'll pee yourself. Dumbass."


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