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Sunday, 08/17/2008 - 5:56 p.m.

I finally got to see Traffic and parts of it were awesome. And whatever filter was on the camera for Benicio Del Toro did him a world of good.

Our washing machine blew up with a load of nasty laundry in it so we have that to deal with when we get home from Podunk. DC and I still have to clear out the laundry room as well when we get home so a new washer can be brought in. Feh. The dryer quit a couple of years ago so we were due on the washer. Thank the gawds DC's laundry all got done a week ago.

Lunch with the Strawberry made me feel tons better about our relationship. Some miscommunication and misinterpretations were cleared up and that put a whole new spin on things. I also got to explain to her about my decision to go back to being hot crushes rather than girlfriends. I really wanted to tell her last week when I flipped out to be exclusive only to me (and her fiancee) but then I realized I can't offer her any kind of replacement or "fill-in" for what I was asking her to give up. She fools around and scenes with some really scuzzy people (and some decent folks as well, but mostly scuz by my definition) and I want to keep her safe and, let's face it, keep her scuz-free so I'm not following behind that. Yeah, that was out loud. Yeah, I'm a snot. But again, I can't replace what I'm asking her to give up so I backed off some. She also seems to need a full-time dom/me of some sort that she can lean on and I'm not that. That's a lot more responsibility than I want. She can scene with men but can't have sex with them. If DC and I (or even DC, the Boy and I) could "share" her sexually *and* BDSM-wise then the responsibility is spread around some and no one is overwhelmed. I'm a big freak nasty pervert, but I'm an ethical decent freak nasty pervert who is trying to do the right thing. Demanding loyalty(?) - commitment(?) - whatever to only me and then falling down on my end of things is not doing the right thing.

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