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Wednesday, 04/15/2009 - 4:01 p.m.

I was watching Body Heat, and it's not all sex scenes and lusty goodness. It's actually a good murder/betrayal/evil bitchiness movie. DC and I had the following conversation:

Me: {screaming at the screen} You dumbasses! He's dead! Why in the hell are you going to move him? You call 911, scream your head off about a burglar, and you're millions richer! Dumbasses!

DC: They can't hear you, you know. Why are you so bent out of shape?

Me: The wife and the lover conspired to kill the husband. OK, the husband is dead. Now they're going to move him somewhere else when they already have the perfect scenario.

DC: The fact you're giving them tips on how kill the husband and get away with it scares me.

Me: Do not worry, my dear. If you are found dead in any way that is *NOT* manual strangulation, I didn't do it.

DC: Great. You've thought about this.

Me: If I ever get angry enough to kill you, I'll be sitting on your chest with my hands around your neck, watching you turn blue and die. I want you to see it coming and know I did it.

DC: You a crazy bitch.

Me: No, I'm establishing my alibi early. If you're found dead by some other means than strangulation, I didn't do it.

DC: I'll be sure to tell the police that if we ever get divorced. Crazy bitch.

He says crazy bitch; I say alibi.

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