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Friday, 05/20/2011 - 6:01 p.m.

DC's girlfriend said something on Sunday that has been ricocheting around in my brain ever since. She quoted American Gangster - "The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.". I follow all the local spanky folks on Fetlife and see a bunch of them doing outrageous shit, either to freak the 'nillas, one-up each other, or both. All I can think is "What a bunch of assholes you all are." When did freaking the 'nillas become something to strive for? I'm not saying we all need to go back in the closet like we're some big shameful secret but goddamn, you don't have to deliberately wig out the mundanes just to wig them out. The 'nilla world already thinks we're a bunch of pedophile psychopath rapists as it is; you don't have to reinforce their misconceptions. You also don't have to one-up each other to prove you're bigger and badder. I had that problem years ago, being brand-new and insecure, but holy crap, I outgrew it. If you're as kick-ass awesome as you think you are, other people will notice; you won't have to point it out to them. Sometimes I wonder if I got old or if I'm a just a stuck-up snotty cunt. I lean towards "stuck-up cunt" most days because I truly believe in my heart of hearts that the way you conduct yourself as a BDSMer in the vanilla world and as a BDSMer in the BDSM world should be the same. And by "the same" I mean with integrity and honor and some sense of "Am I being a douchebag or not?". Feh. Rant over.

Nigel got his first taste of what dating a fat girl is really like when some jackasses at the mall yesterday were mooing at us. They were about 20 feet behind us - just close enough to be heard but far enough away to be out of we're-obviously-mooing-at-you range. I've dealt with that crap all my life and just shrug it off, but Psychotic Rage Man was still angry about it hours later. And when I say psychotic rage, I'm not kidding. Violence was radiating off of Nigel in waves, hard enough to make me feel twitchy and nauseated. We were there to buy clothes for him but right before we left (after the jackasses) we popped in Macy's. I pulled out a 1X maxi-dress, a 2X maxi-dress, and a 1X top, just to try on for a baseline on where I am size-wise. There was a zebra print large maxi-dress hanging on the return rack in the dressing room and I snagged it, too. Not only did the large fit, 4 women in the lounge area of the dressing rooms all stopped to tell me how good it looked on me. Nigel's eyes almost fell out of his face. Now, granted, the waist and back were that stretchy ruched/gathered fabric stuff so it had a lot of give, but it fit and looked damned good. Moo at that, jackasses. Heh.

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