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Wednesday, 01/07/2009 - 2:25 p.m. Regardless of whatever stock market BS Martha Stewart was convicted on, one thing shines clearly in my mind about her - chick sells some *KILLER* bed sheets. I bought 400 thread count something-cotton deep-pocket $150 sheets for 30 bucks at Macy's and the damn things are trying to steal my soul. I swear. This morning at 11 am: Me: Stupid alarm. I don't wanna get up. *smacks snooze* 400 thread count cotton deep-pocket sheets: So don't. Set the alarm for noon and go back to sleep. Me: But I have chores to do and I was going out today. 400TCCDPS: Chores? What did you spend all day yesterday doing? 6 loads worth, folded up and put away, no less. Me: Laundry. I know, I know, but there's more to do. Kitty litter, dishes, more laundry... 400TCCDPS: What did you spend Monday doing? Me: Kitty litter, washing the kitty litterbox rugs, and dishes. 400TCCDPS: Right. So set the alarm for noon. Me: You're evil. And so goddamn smooth and slick. 400TCCDPS: I know, baby. Just set the alarm later and spend some more time with me. Chores will still be there when you get up. Me: Yeah, but the garbage stinks and needs to go out to the dumpst- 400TCCDPS: {interrupting} Garbage, shmarbage. It's all bagged and ready to be walked out, right? Me: Yeah. 400TCCDPS: So you'll walk it out on your way out to run errands. Problem solved. Me: Damn, you're good. 400TCCDPS: I know, baby. So you're gonna stay with me a while, aren't you? Me: Yeah, dammit. I am. 400TCCDPS: You know, no one appreciates my silky smoothness like you do...did I mention that my fitted sheet stays tucked no matter what? Me: You've already won, jackass. There's no need to spike the ball. Now shut it - I'm going back to sleep. 400TCCDPS: {quiet evil laughter} I hope you're happy, Martha Stewart.
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