Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

Wednesday, 01/07/2009 - 2:25 p.m.

Regardless of whatever stock market BS Martha Stewart was convicted on, one thing shines clearly in my mind about her - chick sells some *KILLER* bed sheets. I bought 400 thread count something-cotton deep-pocket $150 sheets for 30 bucks at Macy's and the damn things are trying to steal my soul. I swear. This morning at 11 am:

Me: Stupid alarm. I don't wanna get up. *smacks snooze*

400 thread count cotton deep-pocket sheets: So don't. Set the alarm for noon and go back to sleep.

Me: But I have chores to do and I was going out today.

400TCCDPS: Chores? What did you spend all day yesterday doing? 6 loads worth, folded up and put away, no less.

Me: Laundry. I know, I know, but there's more to do. Kitty litter, dishes, more laundry...

400TCCDPS: What did you spend Monday doing?

Me: Kitty litter, washing the kitty litterbox rugs, and dishes.

400TCCDPS: Right. So set the alarm for noon.

Me: You're evil. And so goddamn smooth and slick.

400TCCDPS: I know, baby. Just set the alarm later and spend some more time with me. Chores will still be there when you get up.

Me: Yeah, but the garbage stinks and needs to go out to the dumpst-

400TCCDPS: {interrupting} Garbage, shmarbage. It's all bagged and ready to be walked out, right?

Me: Yeah.

400TCCDPS: So you'll walk it out on your way out to run errands. Problem solved.

Me: Damn, you're good.

400TCCDPS: I know, baby. So you're gonna stay with me a while, aren't you?

Me: Yeah, dammit. I am.

400TCCDPS: You know, no one appreciates my silky smoothness like you do...did I mention that my fitted sheet stays tucked no matter what?

Me: You've already won, jackass. There's no need to spike the ball. Now shut it - I'm going back to sleep.

400TCCDPS: {quiet evil laughter}

I hope you're happy, Martha Stewart.

previous - next

Click here to talk smack about this entry 0

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!