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Tuesday, 12/01/2009 - 2:53 a.m.

I'm pretty sure I was in love with her. I say that now with uncertainty but I was sure back then. She was funny and smart and quick-witted and gorgeous, even though she didn't see any of that. Or believe me when I told her any of it.

She had a little house in a trendy bo-ho part of town and part of the excitement to see her was the drive. I had almost 25 minutes to fantasize and dream and think about her without anyone else around. Just me and the radio and the windows down if the weather was nice.

This particular visit was the night I was going to fuck her. I had my harness and dick and was nervous as fuck because I wanted it to be *good*, not for me, but for her. I wanted her to see me as a sexual force to be reckoned with; as someone who loved her and thought she was *it* and wanted her down to my bones. I wanted her to see me as me; the real me...the sexual deviant me who could get her off and make her feel good and not ask for her dignity or her self-worth in return. To show her that sex was good and fun, and no one had to feel ashamed for wanting good sex.

We had some sort of cheesy girl-girl porn and it was playing in the background. She had a huge wrap-around couch that could hold 6 people if they squished up and so it definitely held her, with her legs spread out in a big V on the cushions.

I took all the cushions she wasn't sitting on and made a pile in the floor to lie on, with my face right at crotch level. I had my dick on and my panties over it all to keep it semi-clean.

She was completely naked, head thrown back on the couch, legs spread as wide as I could get them, and she was moaning. She was the most sexual thing I had ever seen, up to that point, bar none. Big breasts with hard nipples, big hips that you could really hold onto, and an ass that I watched every chance I could.

Fat girls do it for me every time. Chunky calves, big thighs, hips that you do not want to let go of, and breasts...dear gawd. Breasts. Breasts that do not fit into your hands and spill over, breasts big enough to squeeze together to get both nipples in your mouth at once, breasts you can lay your head on and be comforted.

Lying on the pillows with my face in her pussy, licking and sucking and smelling her all over me, lying on a hard-on that I was going to ram into her...I had an epiphany.

I finally understood why guys made fools of themselves over women.

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