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Monday, 05/17/2010 - 11:15 p.m.

I'm too twitchy for anything other than weekend bullets:

You know you're some filthy fucking whorebags when you've used every trick towel in the house over a weekend and have to resort to bath towels.

It's a blessing when hot chicks let you jerk them off.

It's also a blessing being in a big monkey pile, just being close.

Making your new boytoy drool and forget his own name is awesome.

Accidentally elbowing him in the face in a hot clinch is completely mortifying, however.

Walgreens *and* Target were both out of regular ol' Trojans on Saturday. Luckily, the jerking off of hot chicks happened anyway.

Good friends are hard to come by and I'm exceedingly grateful for the ones we have.

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