Thursday, 02/19/2009 - 11:17 p.m.

I have watched "24" all the way up to season 5. Season 4 ended with Jack doing the sad walking away thing ala the Incredible Hulk and so I had to tune back in to see what happens with season 5. If I had the chance to speak to some of the actors/characters here's what I'd say:

Audrey, I love your new hairdo but I still pretty much hate you. You were a whiny crybaby for most of season 4 and I'm pretty sure I'm going to enjoy it when you turn out to be a traitor. Or get killed. (At least I think that's where your plotline is going.) Either way, I'll be glad to see you go.

President Logan, suck it. I hate you as well and I'm definitely going to enjoy watching your downfall. Take your dirtbag toady, Walt, with you. Gregory Itzin, you're a frigging actor! Get some better dentures and for god's sake, have that flappy turkey-wattle of a neck tacked up.

President Palmer, I cried. I'm definitely going to miss you.

Chloe, you crazy idiot-savant-autistic nutjob, where do I start? I love you because you're rude and never ever sugarcoat it and I hate you because most of the time you have one expression and one manner of speaking and that's stiff robotness. You could give Hayden Christensen lessons on how to be wooden. However, you love Jack and pretty much risk everything to save him time and again so you're OK by me.

Edgar, you got a raw deal this season, dude.

Kiefer, you just get hotter every season. Should you happen to like short, chunky, sassy brunettes - I know one.

Back to season 5 and all its plot contrivance.

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