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Wednesday, 12/07/2005 - 4:05 p.m.

I'm sitting here, swilling hot chocolate and wondering if I'm a sociopath. I Googled "sociopath" and between the two really good listings of sociopathic characteristics, I have a bunch of them. Now, do a lot of people have some of those characteristics? The law of averages says so but since I've not polled every person on the planet I can't say for sure. My ex-husband definitely has some of them but so does DC, as does my brother. I know several people in the local scene that I would blatantly label sociopaths. Is there such a thing as a *good* sociopath?

Some days I wonder about my reactions to every day life and to other peoples' every day issues. DC has said repeatedly that he can't follow my train of thought sometimes but the Boy will understand those same thought trains perfectly. Some days neither of them understands me, but my mother does.

Some days I think I'm the only one who is right and "normal", and some days I feel like everyone but me is "normal". I'm not sure if it's because I'm around 'nillas all morning (mostly good-hearted really nice 'nillas but 'nillas nonetheless) who are Christian/religious and monogamous and vanilla. 5 of my classmates today were talking about an MTF and how they didn't understand why he just didn't understand he was a *HE* and live his life as a man. Then they moved onto porn, about how there was something wrong with people who made porn of themselves and how weird that was.

There's no way I can explain to them that homemade porn is totally hot and that for MTF/FTM peoples to deny their true gender would be to deny who and what they are in all ways. I tuned them out eventually and went back to my book but that conversation obviously stuck with me.

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