Tuesday, 04/01/2008 - 8:39 p.m.

After the ER trip last night and the trip to the regular vet today, the diagnosis is the White Booger is in kidney failure. Anything we do from here on out is just a band-aid. She's lost quite a bit of weight and her hair is starting to fall out. Tears are running down my face as I type even though I knew eventually this day would come. I thought I'd made my peace with it at last year's check-up when the vet said her urine levels were way off. As soon as she said "abnormal BUN" I knew exactly what was coming. Goddamn it. DC and I had "the talk" after the vet visit last year and we agreed on no heroic measures just to prolong her life because we can't live without her.

Eventually she will get to the point where she won't want to eat anything and I refuse to force-feed her. She hates the special low protein food and won't eat it now even though she feels good. I'm of the belief that since the kidney failure is terminal, let her eat what she wants for as long as she can, as long as I'm not making it worse.

I'm going to mix a little catnip into the low protein stuff and see if I can trick her into eating some.

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