Wednesday, 01/16/2008 - 11:32 p.m.
Dear DC and the Boy,
I love you two dinks more than I ever thought my selfish ass could love anyone. You two are the first two people I talk to when I get up and the last two people I talk to before I go to bed. That's why this is so important to say.
We did an operation today on a patient who is eat up with cancer - in his bones, guts, lungs, body walls. *Every* fuckin' where. He's going to die regardless of what else happens and has a DNR. He's semi-comatose though and his wife, speaking on his behalf, demanded today's surgery. In addition to the bladder catheter, the chemo catheter, and the feeding tube, he now has 2 gigantic chest tubes that aren't going to make a damn bit of difference.
Just let me die, OK? No heroic measures, no life support, no feeding tubes, no chest tubes. If I'm already wasting away, the last goddamn thing I want is surgery that's not going to do any good. I don't care if I'm 35 or 85...let me die.
The Boy tells me at least once a month that he waited his whole life for me. DC tells me at least once a week he would die without me. You both tell me every day how much you love me. I have some idea of how hard it will be on you two when I die/am dying. However, at that point, it won't be about you two. It will be about letting me go with dignity, as painlessly as possible.
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